THE YEAR OF ME

While chatting with my brother the other day, he told me that his wife had decided that she was going to devote this year to "herself".   We didn't get into the details or the specifics, but her life has experienced some difficult transitions lately and apparently she felt the need to focus time, energy and resources to help her re-group.

I thought it was a brilliant move.

Women are caretakers by nature, which means they generally put their physical, emotional and spiritual well-being behind the welfare of their children and families, the success of their careers and the upkeep of their relationships.  Men have issues too, but their generally not as invested in their relationships as women are so they don't have that "feedback loop" that women share so easily.  I love that aspect of women, that they are so willing to give each other a "reality check" (whether you need it or not).

Our society still has stigma that doing things for yourself (instead of others) is selfish and self-centered, probably left over from our parents generation that used guilt and shame to force people to conform to social expectations.  But too many people have listened to the flight attendant's instructions: "in case of a loss of cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will appear, put on your own mask first and then assist your child with their mask" to miss the point that we have to take care of ourselves first before we can help anyone.

Even more telling are the research and revelations that we hold tremendous internal power to resolve difficult conflicts, make incredible achievements and attain spiritual peace simply by how we choose to think.  We can help the power of our own bodies to fight off chronic diseases and premature death by eating healthy food and getting regular exercise.  Studies of centurions showed a highly developed and active social network.  Every person who wants to improve their life needs to put effort, energy and resources in this direction.

But the greatest reward in taking time for yourself is the correlation between the life you imagine and the life you are actually living.  When I talk to people who are unhappy with their lives, it's generally because there's a huge disparity between the life they imagine for themselves and the life they are currently living.  Conversely, people who seem the most happy and contented have built a life that is closer to their dreams and aspirations.  It doesn't mean that happy people necessarily have more, but when there's a small gap between the life you imagine and the life you live, you see the beauty and value in your life and that's where the "happiness"comes from.  It also takes a lot of courage to make the changes it takes to "close the gap".

A selfish and self-centered person puts time, energy and resources into themselves with no intention of benefiting others.  A wise person understands that investing in themselves ultimately benefits everyone in their life because we are all affected (in good ways and bad ways) by the people we love and the people who love us.

There's a great evolution that comes with self-actualization if you have courage to make the investment.  I'm sure my sister-in-law will find it and that others in my family will follow her lead.