LESSONS LEARNED TOO LATE

My friend Karen Ducato sent me an article written by a hospice nurse about the regrets that people have on their deathbed.  I've come to understand that death serves a great purpose in our lives, it gives us the opportunity to see life for what it is: a short window of time to live, love, learn and leave a legacy.

The nurse asked her patients if they had any regrets or would do anything differently and these were the five most common responses:

1.  I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.  
We spend most of our lives trying to live up to the expectations of others even if it's different from the life we imagine for ourselves.  Most people die knowing that most of their dreams are never going to be realized because of the decisions they made.   All our dreams assume we're going to have good health, but when our health starts to fail, we lose the freedom to pursue our dreams.

2.  I wish I didn't work so hard.  
Most men feel this way.  They feel guilty for all the time they sunk into work and for missing the lives of their children (and spouses).  Women have these feelings too, driven by the need to have financial security for their families.  But if you've ever been at the bedside when someone takes their last breath, I guarantee you their not thinking about how much money is in their checking account.

3.  I wish I had the courage to express my feelings. 
Most people suppress their feelings to avoid conflict .  As a result, they "settle" for a mundane life and never realize their true potential.  Years of anger and resentment can bring stress and chronic illnesses. It's not possible to control the reaction of others, but by speaking honestly, you can raise the relationship to a whole new and healthier level.  Everyday we have the choice to live our lives by what we fear or by what we desire.  Fear limits our life, desire expands it.


4.  I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
At the end of life, people realize that the most important thing in life is spending time with people who mean something to you.  Relationships are the real "wealth" of our lives and the only true currency worth the investment.  With the technology we have today, it only takes a minute to connect with people who are important to you.


5.  I wish that I had let myself be happier. 
So much of the energy of our lives is devoted to solving problems and dealing with drama that we lose our sense of joy.   The point of life is to experience happiness and we don't need to go far or have much money to do that.  We make our problems more important than our happiness and that's the reason that people feel so frustrated with life.   It's really about looking at the things we already have and having the sense of value and beauty that comes with appreciation.

At my father's funeral, it dawned on me that we know so much more about life (and the end of it) that our chance to truly be happy is so much greater than his generation.  The good news is that we don't have to wait til the doctor tells us we're terminally ill or our health starts to dramatically decline.  We can look at this list and make the most important decision of our lives.

We can decide that happiness is a choice.