THE JOURNEY OF A 1000 DAYS

Several years ago, Mark Rife and his wife Sarah watched a DVD of Romeo and Juliet.  When the movie was over, they talked about Juliet's abrupt decison to take her own life when she discovered that Romeo had apparently died. 

After a lively exchange, Sarah took the voice of reason, "I hope that I would take at least 1000 days to think it over."

So when Sarah fell into the waters of Boiling Pots in Hilo in 2007 and then mysteriously died in her sleep six months later, Mark was striken with grief so profoundly, he could barely function.   But he remembered Sarah's words and opted to take some time to try to find a reason to keep going after Sarah's loss.   With the money from Sarah's life insurance settlement, he traveled to 22 countries around the world for almost three years trying find the answer to one burning question.

"Why go on living without my beloved Sarah?"

If you take the time to watch his video ( http://vimeo.com/27902552), you'll learn that he met some wonderful people, ate some great food and learned about some intriguing cultures, but never found the answer to his burning question. So, in a rational and steely tone of voice, he explains the journey of a "1000 days" and his final conclusion.

On August 25th,  Mark Rife took his own life to be with his cherished Sarah.   His family and members of his church gathered to celebrate his life on September 7th.

I do know the pain that ended Mark Rife's life.  Anyone who has lost their spouse feels the constant torture of the pain that never really goes away.  You learn to "manage" it over time, but there's no pill or magic remedy that can make it go away.   I'm not going to cast judgement on him for taking his own life, I thought about it myself many times.  He's right when he says the pain is just too much.

But what saved me in those low times (and ultimately helped me to live with the grief and sadness), was the affect my death would have on others and how Holly's death completely changed the way I look at life.   People commit suicide everyday because the pain of their lives is too great.   But that act simply passes the pain on to others, primarily your family and friends.  I couldn't do that to my children.  It also increases the chance of them committing suicide later in their lives.

I used to see my happiness tied to Holly but after months of grief, I learned that my happiness is my own responsibility.  The longer I was emotionally paralyzed by her loss, the longer I put the responsibility of my happiness on her.   Relationships can come and go and they bring great value to my life, but I have to  be in charge of my own happiness no matter how much I love someone.

The death of your spouse/partner is different than any other loss because your "assumptive future" is tied to them.  But it's also the greatest opportunity to learn the true value of life because it takes that level of pain to really absorb the lesson.   If Mark Rife could have got past his pain for just a moment, he would have seen the gift he could have shared with so many in his position as a youth minister.   He took 1000 days to travel around the world to find the answer his family and friends were holding the whole time.

The only thing that's truly important in life is spending time with people who mean something to you.