THE CHANGE THAT COMES

My 40th high school reunion is coming up in a few weeks and I'm excited to see friends that I've known since I was teenager.  We're all pushing 60 now and way past the age where we're judging each other.  We're drawing closer as we get older and at this stage in life, most of us actually "care" about what is happening with each other.  One of the things we do during our reunions is pay tribute to those classmates who are no longer with us and that's enough of a reality check to keep us all humble.  The difference between this reunion and our 20th reunion in 1992 is in the last 20 years most of us have experienced the loss of family members, friends, spouses, even our children.  That changes you.

It changes you because grief gives you the opportunity to access thoughts, feelings and emotions that we could never experience any other way.  Until you've sat in the front row of a funeral and looked at the casket or the ashes of someone close to you, it's difficult to fully appreciate the full value of your own life. We actually need that sadness and despair to give the proper perspective to the people and activities that we cherish.  It's the yin and yang of life.  We need the darkness to appreciate the light.  The cold of winter  makes us love the warmth of the spring.

I've been fortunate to have enough significant losses to alter the way I look at life.  It's more simple now and less complicated.  I don't want much and have no aspirations of greatness or fame.  I'm not interested in being #1 at anything and the "competitive drive" I had back in my 30's is just a memory.  I'd rather plant some flowers than be the chairman of a committee.  I'd rather sit and watch the sunset than go to an event and meet new people.

It's kind of ironic that each day as I move closer to the end of my life,  I actually enjoy life more and more.  I suppose it would be different if I was taking care of a very sick loved one or had a terrible disease like cancer, but I've had both of those and that's why I believe that I can see life so positively.  What I've learned from watching others around me is that people influence us a lot more after they leave us.  These days, I think a lot more about the important things my Mom and Dad taught me than I ever did when they were alive.

The other end of truly appreciating life is birth of grandchildren.  I don't have any of my own, but those of my friends who have them, point to that event as a key "transitional" moment of their lives.  If we look at our lives like a tree; the roots are our history; the branches are our children and the fruit are our grandchildren.  We become the tree trunk, the vital connection between our past and our future.  When life transitions to legacy (with the birth of our grandchildren), we shift from learners to teachers and that gives us the purpose and meaning that will carry us the rest of our days.

It will be nice to reminisce about old times with my classmates.  But it will be more fun to see how much we've evolved, how simple our lives have become and how our friendships become more cherished with each year.  I think we're starting to figure out that the only really important thing in life is to spend time with people who mean something to you.