THE LESSONS HE NEVER TAUGHT ME

Today would have been my Dad's 88th birthday, but he passed away six years ago from congestive heart failure and complications brought on by diabetes.  I think about him on his birthday and generally feel grateful for the many lessons he taught me during his lifetime.  Much of who I am today is a direct result of the many direct and in-direct snipets of wisdom he managed to impart on me during those brief times when I was actually listening to what he was saying.

But this morning, I started to think about the things he didn't teach me.

My grandfather was a career solider in the Army and was rarely at home.  My Dad and his older brother, Rev, took the responsibility of helping my grandmother manage a household of nine children with very little money.  Through high school, Dad worked almost 80 hours a week and slept through most of his classes. A couple of years later, he took up amateur boxing but neither of his parents ever came to see his fights.   Later in life, he went into the South Pacific to work for a year and returned to buy his parents a house but ended up moving out when they disapproved of my mother as his choice for matrimony.

My Dad had anger and resentment toward my grandfather for his treatment of my grandmother and the neglect of his siblings.  But he could see that my grandfather's behavior was partially due to the anger and resentment that Grandpa had toward his father.  Dad saw the pattern and was determined not to bring that anger into the next generation.  When he married my mother, he made a critical choice to leave the past behind.

Dad wasn't perfect, but he gave us the acknowledgement, appreciation and affection we needed to grow up without anger, fear, guilt and shame.   He let us know that we had the power to make changes in our lifetime that would benefit the generations ahead and showed us (by example) the courage it takes to create a different life for your children.

Many of the "issues" people have today were passed down to them from their parents, who did not have the tools to resolve them.  If we're not conscious of these issues, our children (and grandchildren) will simply continue to carry generations of fear, anger, guilt and shame.  Fortunately, Larry Medina chose a different set of characteristics that will become his legacy for generations to come.

Acknowledgement.  Appreciation.  Affection.   Thanks, Dad.