A LESSON IN CHANGE

My classmate, George Costa (to the right of me with the glasses) recently posted some pictures of our early college days nearly 40 years ago.  We had a "Facebook fiesta" of laughs and jokes about how skinny we were and how much hair we used to have.

But I've spent some time looking over those pictures the last couple of weeks and what comes back to me very vividly was how incredibly homesick I felt during my first two years in Oregon.  The picture above was taken in early September of 1972, my first trip out of the state of Hawai'i and the first time I had been away from my family for an extended period of time.  I grew up in a large family that lived in a small house so I was used to the noise and congestion that comes when you live in close quarters.

When I got to the campus and checked into the dormitory, it was odd to be in a room with just one other person who I had never met.  I put away everything I had brought, made my bed and then sat at my desk and I remember a "sinking" feeling setting in.  You would think that I'd be really excited about all the new and different things that were about to happen, but it didn't go that way.  I chose to take the "low" road and focused on the life I was leaving. No more family, no more parties with my friends, no more girlfriend, etc.  It was the first time in my life that I was truly depressed.  And despite the urging of George and my other classmates, heavy drinking does not resolve depression.

It was my first big lesson in "transitions" or learning to adapt to major life changes.  At 18 years old, I wasn't equipped or informed enough to understand that adapting to change was going to be a major life skill.   It took me years to figure out how to "go with flow" but I needed the experience of suffering through those early years of "why is this happening to me?" victim mentality.  At the end of my sophomore year, I met an older girl named Rhea who taught me that change was a good thing and that I should embrace it instead of fight it.

We eventually married and raised a son together but it wasn't until we divorced 18 1/2 years later that I saw the consequences of trying to hold on to the past instead of making the mental and emotional changes needed to adapt to the life that was evolving right in front of me.  The lesson became more intense when people close to me started to die several years ago and I had to re-invent myself after every catastrophic loss.

I've always been fascinated with studies of people who live to 100 years old.  One of the common characteristics they share is the "ability to adapt to change."  I guess if you're going to live to 100 years old, you're going to see a lot of change.   I'm in the midst of a huge transition right now but I've learned to enjoy the journey and let go of the shame, anger, guilt and fear that bogged me down for so many years.

It's a learning process but I'm getting it now.  Maybe I'll live to 100 after all.