THE QUALITY OF OUR PRESENCE

Since my sister's partner Michael died early this month, we've been having many conversations about how fragile and brief life can be.  Unfortunately, we generally only see this in retrospect, after a loved one has passed or after an important person in our lives is no longer there.   The people who remain in our lives actually benefit from our grief because our "awareness" of them becomes more acute after we have a catastrophic loss.

My sister and I are only four years apart, but we're at the age where we're starting to "lose people."  In less than two years, my sister lost her mother, her business partner and her life partner.   I lost my wife, one of my best friends, my Dad and my Mom.  All major, devastating losses.  While there's sadness and grief that can't be avoided, the larger result of loss is the evolution of our perspective.  We never see life quite same once we start enduring major losses.

The "evolution" I'm taking about is simply a different way of viewing relationships.   Loss helps us to see the fragility of life and the relative unimportance of material things.  A large part of my evolution after the death of my mother was the realization that the true "currency of my life" was not my money, but my relationships.  My "wealth" was really tied to the quality of my relationships because that held the greatest "value" in my life, not my money.  It's the one thing that I'm most fearful to lose.

If that's the case, then think how much better our relationships would be if we gave them the same attention and focus as our bank accounts.  It comes down the "quality of our presence," our ability to stay focused on the relationships that are important to us.   Presence means attention, focus and energy.  That's what our relationships need to grow and endure over years.  It's difficult to see that when the people you love are so readily available everyday.  They are there one day, then gone the next.  Its an excruciating prospect.

But the quality of life that we experience is connected to how present we can be with the people we love.  Because in the end, it's all that really matters.