In my early 20's, I asked my Dad for some advice on a crucial decision. In retrospect, it was an easy decision that I made into a complicated issue. Maybe I was trying to give more importance to my choice by making the elements seem more difficult. I remember Dad listening then choosing his words carefully.
"Son, there's two ways of doing things. There's the easy way and the hard way," he said. "The easy way is to listen to someone who has done what you want to do and take their advice. The hard way is to try to do it your own way, which will probably end up taking longer, cost more and might be painful."
Unfortunately for me, I thought he was trying get me to do it "his" way (which of course, was the "easy" way). So, I naturally took the opposite way because I was at that "genius" point in my life where I thought I was smarter than my parents. After all, I was the one with the college degree, he was just a fireman. Big ego, small brain.
True to his word, my choice ended up taking me down a path that took years to straightend out, cost me more money than I can count and ended up causing me so much pain, I feel it 35 years later. But he did me the greatest favor of my life by letting me follow my own path and the consequences that followed.
I have a lot of 20-something's in my life and I see them choosing the "hard way" a lot of the time. It's tough to watch it, but I know they will eventually get the lesson. They will get it because when things start to go wrong, pain will arrive. Pain is a great gift, although it takes time to see it that way. It's the only thing that's capable of crushing our egos, destroying the walls we put up and bringing the vulnerability we need to truly learn.
I'm watching my nephew get a good lesson in integrity. He chose to be dishonest with the mothers of his children and now he's going to learn a very painful but needed lesson on the importance of truth. I've tried to teach him a few essential lessons while he's lived with me, but nothing can make a deep and lasting impact the way that pain does. Just like my Dad did for me, I have to let him see and feel the consequences of his actions and hope that eventually, the lesson will sink in.
Ultimately, we always end doing things the way we want whether it's the hard way or the easy way. Either way we always get the lesson. The only question is what it will cost us.
Isn't it funny how the pattern seems to repeat itself? I recall many a time where I would have saved myself so much grief if only I would have listened to that sage advice offered by well meaning elders and done things the easy way.
ReplyDeleteMy youngest daughter now has ignored all of her older sisters', mother's, grand parents', and my advice on a current issue and I can see the train wreck coming accordingly. I guess in some matters we all have to learn the hard way.